One Word: Simplicity

I have never really been a big resolution person. Like most people, I make a list of things to accomplish and never reach them. (shout out to those who actually accomplish their goals!) However, over the past few years I have done the one word challenge to live by throughout the year.

This year I picked the word SIMPLICITY.

During winter break, I put the laptop away and truly focused on resting and relaxing. While doing this I was able to think about life: myself, my kids, my husband, our house, and work. As I was doing some cleaning before our guests arrived I started to focus on STUFF. Part of my anxiety deals with clutter. When there is STUFF everywhere I get overwhelmed and instead of being able to clean it up, I just shut down and leave it there. This triggers the anxiety of feeling like our house is cluttered. 

So I decided that this year I am going to focus more on living simple. I'm going to go through our house room by room and decide if the STUFF has a place and purpose, or is it just taking up space. I turned my closet hangers around like people suggest and anything that I haven't worn during this year is getting donated. Those pants that I keep holding onto because I am sure one day I will be back down to my pre-kid size, gone. 

I also felt this way as I sat and watched my kids open presents at Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love watching them open presents and will never take that way from them. But there were SO MANY! (our families are large and people enjoy buying them things) For birthdays we have already made the shift to just one or two gifts and focusing more on experiences, and I think I am ready for that to happen during Christmas as well. I think even the kids get overwhelmed with so many new things at once that they end up not playing with some of the things.

Honestly, one thing that sparked this idea of simplicity is the craze of people buying Stanley cups. I'm sure they are amazing cups, but I have a hard time paying that price for a cup when I already have a cabinet full of them. So I plan to carry this "simple life" over to purchasing items as well. Next time I want to click that Buy Now button on Amazon, fill up my Target cart and place a pick up order, or fill my cart with impulse buys at Walmart, I'm going to stop and think do I truly need this? Not only will this help with my desire to reduce clutter and simplify my life, it will also help save money in the long run! 

I decided that this idea of simplicity can also carry over to my school-life as well. I decided that I can be more intentional about the activities that I have my kids do. Less copies, more hands-on learning. Less busy work, more activities/practice games. Less focus on grades, more focus on feedback. Feedback is something that I struggle with sometimes and it goes back to that idea of anxiety/clutter. Sometimes I end up giving more assignments that require feedback than is truly needed. Then these assignments begin to pile up waiting for me to give them feedback. Instead of being able to tackle the pile, I put it off due to anxiety. Then I realize that it has piled up for so long that even if I did sit down and give them feedback it wouldn't be relevant to their current learning anymore. This is where the more intentional activities/assignments comes into play. Understanding that some activities are just practice and don't require feedback, while others can be used to assess learning and provide students with an idea of how they are doing.

We live in a world that is always on the go. We live in a world that loves material things. However, I am making the choice to slow down and live with less this year.

I always enjoy seeing what other people have picked for their one word for the year. So what is yours?

PS - this word also comes from a book that I read during 2020. Our local library was doing mystery bundles from the library where they would pick 3 random books for you to read since people could not go into the library to browse the shelves. The book is called 7 Days to Simplicity by Jen Hatmaker and it also really helps to put things into perspective.

Subject to Change

I always love to reflect on the previous year. Some years are great and others not so much. This year brought about a lot of changes.

We made some huge life decisions like moving our family down to North Carolina. It was something we have been talking about doing, but different things came up health-wise that kept us in Maryland an extra year.

I found a job in Wake County after being at my previous school for 9 years. Change can be scary and leaving a place where I had met so many coworkers that became friends was hard. A place where I had made a name for myself. A place where families and students knew who I was and wanted to be in my class. A place where I was comfortable.

We then had the joy of looking for a new house in a housing market that was crazy. People were putting in contracts for way more than asking price, offering ridiculous cash offers, etc. We came down during spring break to look at houses and didn't see anything that sparked our interest. Literally the day after we left NC a house came on the market that we loved. We decided to put in an offer without seeing it (crazy right?!) and somehow our contract got picked! Buying a house can be stressful, but everything worked out.

Next up moving. The moving industry is corrupt and I hope I never have to do it again. Add on to the fact that it was the end of the school year. I had covid, then the rest of my family had covid. The moving company held our stuff for almost 14 days, so my poor husband was in our new house with one bed and an air mattress, a few toys, and grocery delivery through instacart!

While April through June was stressful, we spent the summer traveling. We visited family and friends, saw new states, new baseball stadiums, and had a blast!

September brought the new school year! My amazing daughter started her third school in three years. She handles every change that comes her way like a champ. She is doing amazing. My son started kindergarten and while I was not sure how he would do with school as he spent all summer saying "I not going", he absolutely loves it and asks every morning if it is a school day.

I started at my new school love it. It is a place where I am treated with respect and as a professional. However it is challenging being the new person again. Students don't know me. Staff members don't know me. I want to be the leader that I was in my previous school, but also learning to take a step back and just learn this year.

The theme for this year was change. One of my favorite music artist is Kelsea Ballerini. She came out with an album and song called Subject to Change and it just felt like the theme song for my year. I used to hate change. I was a planner who thought things out from short term to long term. If things didn't go as planned I would struggle. Having cancer changed that. I stopped looking into the future so much. I learned to enjoy the day to day life. Whatever happens, happens. So enjoy these lyrics from Kelsea's song. I am certainly taking them into 2023 with me!

If I'm honest
Growing up, it kind of hurts like hell
It's chaotic, ironic
But it's how I learn to find myself, yeah
Thank God, I don't know about tomorrow
Thank God, I take it day by day
Oh, I don't think about the chapters
It's all about turning the page

Patience, Flexibility, Forgiveness, and Empathy

I wrote this blog post during the spring of 2020 as we first began our adventure with distance learning. I wanted to share it again because these four words are still so true during my virtual learning experience.

It is easy to want to jump back into the normal routine of school. Curriculum, assignments, attendance, grades, tests... the list can go on and on, but one thing we have to remember is that this is not normal. What we are dealing with while trying to virtually from home or the school building, or teaching in a hybrid format with some kids at home and others in the building is something that we have never been through before.

Yes, it is important that we continue to teach the curriculum and assess the students throughout the year to see what they are learning, we also have to do it with patience, flexibility, forgiveness, and empathy. We don't know what all these kids are having to deal with at home while they are also trying to complete school on the computer. I have had students tell me, I will be back I need to help my sister get logged into class or I will be back I need to get a bottle for my baby sister, or hold on I need to help my mom with something. These kids (especially my 5th graders) are now not able to just focus on school like they would in the building, oftentimes they are still taking care of things in their household WHILE going to school.

On the flipside of this, I am home trying to teach my classes, while my daughter attends kindergarten virtually on the computer. Honestly, she has done amazing, but then I also hear other parents sitting next to their kindergarteners helping them navigate this unknown world of virtual school and i feel guilty that I can't be there next to her. Luckily her teacher has these four words down, because there will be weeks where we will do all of her assignments on the weekend because at the end of the day when I can finally help her, she is exhausted and doesn't want to do anything school related. And you know what, what is ok with me.

While I have been preaching to have patience, flexibility, forgiveness, and empathy with our students, it is also SO important to have these four things for YOURSELF as well. 

Have patience with yourself, whether you are working and trying to help your kids with school or you are teacher trying to teach in a virtual or hybrid setting, please know that you have not done this before. It won't be perfect, but if you have patience it just may work out.

Have flexibility with yourself. Those dishes sitting in the sink after a long day will still be there the next day. The laundry that is piling up, it will get done eventually. Again, we are not living in normal times right now. The day-to-day things we were used to doing are going to look different right now.

Forgive yourself. Especially look at your moms. Mom guilt can feel so strongly right now. I already mentioned that I feel guilty I can't help my daughter more with her school, but you know what, her teacher knows our situation and completely understands. Some nights my kids don't have the best dinners or get a bath, but it's ok. They are happy and healthy and that is all that matters.

Lastly, have empathy for yourself. We are living in times that we would never have predicted a year ago. Celebrate the little things. Made it through the day? Cheers! Cooked dinner for the family? Success! Took a shower and got dressed in regular clothes? Pour another glass of wine! :-)

Patience. Flexibility. Forgiveness. Empathy.

We will make it!

It's OK to Need a Break

I made this original post in December 2019 before the world changed.

Dear moms (and dads)... we all need a break sometimes and it’s absolutely ok.

Last weekend we found out that our daycare provider had an emergency in the family and was going to need to take off Monday through Wednesday, which left us having to figure out what to do with the kids. Unfortunately we don’t have any family in the area and have never really found a backup babysitter for situations like this. Sometimes we can get one of our parents to come stay with us, but this time I asked if my mom wanted the kids to come to her house for a few days. She did (thanks mom!), so I packed the kids in the car and met her halfway.

She kept the kids for the entire week and it was a week that I didn’t realize I needed.  I went to work as usual each day. However, I didn’t allow myself to stay late as I would have done in the past. No kids means catching up at work, right?? Not this time.

So I left on time each day and came home. I also could have done a million and one things at home while the kids were gone, but I didn’t. I did a few small things like picked up the playroom and cleaned the kitchen. But that’s it.

I used this week to recharge mentally. I watched TV shows that weren’t on Nick, Jr. or Disney. I read an adult book. I enjoyed the quiet. I needed this time.

My husband and I also enjoyed this time together. We went to happy hour, we went out to dinner, we made dinner together. Just the two of us. We also needed this time.

To all the parents out there, it’s ok to need a break from your children. I’m not saying send them away for a week because this was definitely not planned. But take a night for yourself. Whether it’s a couple of hours for a date night out, an evening away, or even just a few hours out shopping, take the break.

This rule also applies to work. That will be another post, another day. But taking a mental break from things in life is a necessity at times. Take care of yourself.

Setting Boundaries (Again)

Well this blog post didn't age well...

In December I wrote a blog post about how I was learning to say no. It was making my life much less stressful by putting myself first, especially at work. I had learned that I can say no to something and life will go on.

A couple of weeks ago I came across a book called Boundaries on Amazon Prime. I added it to my library and started reading it as I finished my previous book. (One of my 2020 goals is to read more for pleasure.)

Amazon

This book confirmed everything I had been feeling this school year. I was learning to set boundaries in my work life. I was learning that when you set a boundary, not everyone is going to like it, but if they truly respect your relationship they will understand.

This book touches on more than just work. It focused on friends, family, children, significant others, and more. While I was working on setting my boundaries at work, this helped me also look at all aspects of my life and where else I needed to work on boundaries.

I am starting 2020 off much happier than I was about 5 months ago and I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year brings!

It's OK to Not Be OK - Update

Last year I started writing on a different blog that I soon after abandoned. I was looking through some of those posts from a year ago and decided to bring some of them back with a flash forward update since SO much has happened in a year.

I wrote this blog post about the beginning of school in 2019. Little did I know what life would be like a year later. This blog brought up so many emotions. I was not happy at the beginning of the year, and the school year was definitely stressful for various reasons. But I made the best of it and we had a good year, even with the crazy ending.

What I found interesting as I reread this blog post was my lack of effort in trying to find something new. I finally decided to put in my AP application last year. I was moved forward to the second phase of the interview process, but didn't make it pass the data analysis task. My feedback basically made it look like I left out one thing they were looking for. I was pretty disappointed, but I was also unsure of what this school year was going to look like and felt comfort in returning to the position that I left in the spring. I'm still ready for something new, but I just wasn't sure what that should be with a new school year starting off working from home, while my kindergartener was also learning from home. I was going to be teaching a grade and subject that I have taught the past few years so I wouldn't have to be learning anything new.

However, this year has still left me feeling like I am missing out on something. So this fall I have began talking and networking. I have kept in contact with my previous principals and assistant principals who are in new roles. I am trying to be active on Twitter and putting myself out there. This is going to be the year where I will put in the effort to move up. I'm in the aspiring leaders cohort for my county. I'm going to apply and follow-up. I'm writing it into existence.

September 2019:

I come across as one of those people that always has it together. On the outside it's just how I am. However, what happens is that all of the stuff that I am trying to hide inside will build up until my body and mind can't handle it all and I tend to have some sort of meltdown. Sometimes this looks like me calling my mom and just venting until my heart is content. Other times it may be me crying in the shower when I'm finally alone. I am working on how to handle these feelings.

I began to notice that I wasn't ok at the beginning of the school year. I typically LOVE back to school time because it's like New Year's Day. New students to welcome, decorating the classroom, spending time with coworkers I haven't seen all summer. It is usually a time I associate with fun and excitement. There are definitely stressors that go along with the beginning of a new school year, but it is typically the same types of things each year (will I have enough time to get my room ready? how many meetings do I have to sit through? what new things do we have to do this year?) We went back on a Thursday and throughout those two days I was just overwhelmed and busy. Moving classrooms, new team members, still adjusting to a new administration team.

Then the next week began and I kept hitting my snooze button in the mornings (unusual for me). When I got home in the evenings I sat around and didn't really do a whole lot. Dishes needed to be done. Laundry was piling up. I would put the kids to bed around 8pm and immediately went to bed as well. I was spending time in my classroom with my door closed. I just felt numb. I did the basics. I showed up, attended meetings, worked in my room, and went home. I realized after a few days of feeling like this that something wasn't right.

Why was I feeling this way? What should I do about it?

These are probably the toughest questions for someone feeling like this. I've been through a depression before and luckily knew that was the path I was headed down. So I sat down one night and made myself think. What was truly causing me to feel this way? Deep down I was feeling regret. I was wondering what if?

Side story... this past spring I finished a certificate program that gave me an Administration 1 certification. This certification opens up to new possibilities in leadership within the education world. This past summer I did apply for a few other jobs outside of the classroom, but I didn't do much more than fill out an application. I'm not sure why I didn't push harder for these new positions, but I didn't.

Side story #2... our daughter turns 5 this November. We decided to register her for pre-kindergarten at our local school. We don't automatically qualify because of various reasons so we were put on a waiting list, but were told by the principal and the teacher that in the 5 years they had been there, they had never been full so everyone on the waiting list usually got in. If she were to get into this school, then my current position in the classroom would allow me to leave in enough time to be home and get her off the bus in the afternoons. Flash forward to August and we hadn't heard anything from the school, so my husband called and we were told they were full and that our daughter is on a waiting list and we would know more in mid-September.

So here I was sitting in my 5th grade classroom frustrated that I didn't push harder to try to get a new job. Many of my close co-workers left and got new positions that they loved. I was seeing all of their happy stories and wondering what if? What if I had emailed the principal of the school where I had put in an application? What if I wouldn't have worried about trying to be home at a certain time? What if I had tried just a little harder?

It was almost the first day of school and I realized I needed to pull myself together. The jobs were in the past. Our daughter was still going to a great daycare. I had new kids coming on Tuesday and they needed me to be at my best. So what did I do? I picked up the phone and called my mom. She's great at listening and is often my voice of reason when I'm feeling down. (everyone needs that person...I see a future post coming)

While I knew that I still wasn't feeling my best self, I accepted that it was ok to not feel ok. I worked on getting up in the morning, finding the positives in my day, talking with my co-workers, and realizing that I can make every day amazing a little bit at a time. It wasn't going to happen overnight, but I'm ok with that.

I saw this quote online and felt like it deserved to be in this post. I don't know who came up with it and I tried to find who to give credit to online, but was unsuccessful. This is NOT my quote.

My self-care list:

• paint my nails - sometimes I do it myself, sometimes I treat myself to a salon
• workout/run - I'm really good at making excuses, but some days even just 1 mile on the elliptical makes me feel so much better
• take a long, hot shower alone - this is for my fellow mommas out there, taking a shower without kids in the bathroom is a luxury
• go shopping alone - see above :-)
• call my friends - sometimes some girl talk is all we need